Do developmental milestones matter?
If 
you’ve ever had a meeting with a health, educational or psychological professional, you’ll have probably been asked about your child’s ‘milestones’. Or if you’ve ever read any child-rearing or child development books, you’ll usually find lists of milestones there too. By milestones, I mean those key ages when children start walking, talking, feeding themselves and so on.
Do they matter?
Well, yes….and no. Let’s start with the ‘no’. A key thing to remember about the ages associated with different milestones is that they are averages: in other words, ‘typical’ children seem to do the specified thing at approximately the specified age. But because they’re an average, it means some children do them earlier and others do them later. No need to panic, then, if your child doesn’t start walking till 16 months when the book says 14 to 15 months. Most children get there in the end.
It can be concerning when you’re at a parent and baby group with children born at the same time as yours and the other children seem to be able to do more than your little one can. Especially as everyone is probably comparing their own child with all the others, just as you’re doing.
Sometimes, you must take the context into account as well. I remember a family where the youngest child was a boy with two older sisters. Both girls and the mum were very articulate and liked to talk. However, the little boy, although he seemed to understand everything, didn’t say a word till he was nearly 3. Why? Given the amount of conversation between his sisters and parents, especially, his mother, there simply wasn’t the space for him to enter a conversation. At the same time, on further observation, it appeared that a little pointing at a desired object and one of his siblings would give him what he wanted. He had no need to talk! A little constructive misunderstanding and ignoring his pointing soon led him to start chatting away and making his vocal presence felt.
So, why do health professionals, educators and psychologists keep asking about milestones then?
If a child hasn’t acquired the expected skills by some while after the expected time, then it may indicate that something’s not quite right. Or if they seem to be ‘on track’ in most areas but one aspect of their development, maybe speech or mobility, for example, is lagging, then perhaps alarm bells should start ringing. Perhaps there is an underlying issue, such as hearing or vision, that needs checking out and is affecting their development.
As a parent, you know your child best. If you can see that things are not progressing as they should, and you’re concerned, that’s the time to seek some help or advice. With very young babies and children, a good first point of call is the health visitor or your GP. With slightly older children, have a chat with the nursery or your child’s teacher. Or give me a call at Valuing Minds and we’ll talk it through.
But please remember – children develop at different rates. Not all of them will be composing symphonies when they’re starting full-time school like Mozart did!
Nina Taylor
This is a good article and very pertinent at the moment as I am starting to wonder if my 13 month old will say something other than baby babble (adorable as it is)!! I’m sure there is nothing wrong…he’s 13 months hello!!! He is so audible and chatty and I can hear sounds coming it’s just, as you say, very difficult to not compare your child with someone else’s of the same age. Kids do do things at different times and parents, particularly first timers need to just relax and let nature take its course rather than worry if somebody else’s baby has said a few words already or has started walking. I wonder what the psychology is behind why we feel compelled to compare?
I agree that it becomes obvious if there is likely to be something amiss and I reckon a parent who is interacting daily with their child will have a gut feeling about whether or not something needs investigating.
Nicky Weisfeld
Thanks for your comments, Nina. If a range of sounds are coming, it will probably not be too long before he’s using them consistently in a meaningful way. And then it’s only a matter of time before you get ‘No!’, and ‘Why?’ endlessly!!
Jenny
There is a fabulous book called “Ruby Flew Too” that came to us when my now 11yo was about 2 (possibly from BookStart). It was all about a family of ducklings who all hit duckling milestones at the same time – except Ruby – who was off exploring, learning and doing other stuff. She still flew like her siblings but in her own good time.
We’re all different, we all do things in our own good time. However, having had a child who walked much later than his peers and has subsequently been diagnosed with various medical conditions, I now find myself in meetings being quizzed on the exact points that he did ‘hit’ his milestones. And then frowned upon for not being able to remember… 9 years hence.
It seems that the medical professionals hold great value to these developmental milestones (not that they really checked them at the time but that’s a whole different post I would have thought) so it’s probably worth noting them down – if you have time and or the inclination.
I’m still more fond of Ruby the duckling than I am of classifying children into tick boxes
Nicky Weisfeld
Thank you for your post. I don’t know that book so thank you for introducing it to me.
Yes, with hindsight it can be useful to reflect back on milestones (and to have jotted them down at the time – maybe in a baby book?), but hopefully a health visitor or GP who’s on the ball will spot when things are not quite as they should be. But, as you hint with your Ruby story, you also need to take the context into account.
Nicky